Got gaming obsessions?

We heard last year from several of our parents worry that their child’s incessant video game playing was getting in the way of school, so we got busy trying to figure it out. A friend in the psych community offered some suggestions, which are most illuminating. This is not professional advice, which you should seek if you are seriously concerned for your child’s gaming obsessions. Nevertheless, common sense affirms what we learned, including that gaming is not necessarily a bad thing.

Adolescence is “a stage of life given over to passions,” we were told, and nicely put!  So the question for any obsession is whether it has breached enthusiasm and is inhibiting healthy development. Concerns with gaming arise as the standard tasks of adolescence, including academic responsibilities, go unmet and the gaming itself takes over from other, healthier coping skills. It is a very serious concern that if children do not mature with certain social and emotional skills during adolescence they may have difficulty dealing with the responsibilities and interactions required of adults.

So, yes, there are “unhealthy substitutes” for a normal life, and gaming can be one of them — but not necessarily. (Think drugs, sexual promiscuity, and violence.)  The psych trade itself is divided on the subject of gaming, although there can be no doubt that it can become a poor substitute for other coping mechanisms. It is when children “isolate themselves” in gaming that we must be concerned. In psych terms we’re talking about the gaming becoming “pathological” and “obsessive compulsive.”

Lather, rinse, repeat

Many adolescents, males especially, respond to repetitive tasks as their minds and bodies journey into adulthood. It is not necessary for healthy development, but it can be productive of it. Studies show that in boys (and not in girls) repetitive, concentrated tasks — including gaming — are calming. Doing the same thing over and again relieves anxiety and assists normal development. In this sense, gaming can be a perfectly healthy activity. Until it gets in the way of other tasks and functions.

And that’s the trouble. Figuring out the line between healthy and unhealthy behavior is not easy, not for anyone, especially adults. If moderation is the key to health and happiness, why is it so hard to discern and follow?

The gaming will seem excessive if the child won’t do anything else or if it is getting in the way of grades and other responsibilities. Yet, that doesn’t make gaming the issue. We should first ask that if the gaming were not available what other behaviors would we see? Excessive, obsessive activities are not necessarily problems themselves, and may instead be masking other anxieties or issues that the child is attempting to reduce or resolve. So we might think of excessive gaming as a symptom and not a cause.

Normally, gaming is just more fun that some other things, and if it is masking anything it’s likely mild. The larger, unhealthy side to gaming is that in children who lack maturity and focus or who feel isolated, gaming offers a sense of accomplishment that is easier to gain than through more difficult or demanding tasks such as academics or other social activities. Unlike sports, which offer repetitive tasks (practice, practice, practice!) and whose rewards accrue over time, gaming gives instant gratification, which can be hard to let go. For a child in this situation, our friend says, “Finding healthier substitute or moderation can be challenging.” On the other hand, the gaming might just be the only activity available to a child, so the problem isn’t gaming so much as an absence of alternative activities.

Kids are… well, kids

There is also the matter of adolescent social interactions to which gaming can be another piece. Kids who game talk about it with their friends, they use it for status, and the enjoy sharing it with each other. And, as our friend reminds us: it’s fun. They like it.

Concerned parents need to think about how to properly address potential gaming obsessions. What alternatives do parents offer their children? Is the gaming a message from children, such as a call for help or for alternatives? Will clamping down on the gaming merely become a punitive measure that the child takes as personally critical and that leads to coping difficulties with more difficult tasks? Children hate to disappoint parents, so avoiding failure, or, worse, embracing it, can be an unhealthy coping mechanism designed to avoid responsibility and the disappointments in not meeting them.

Our friend reminds us that there will always be failures in parenting, so we must stay positive, stay patient, and maintain expectations.  Again, if you fear that your child has breached healthy lines in gaming or other obsessions, please seek professional advice.

In our student support service, we want to listen to kids, to hear their own goals, and to offer them opportunities to be honest with themselves and those around them. Kids have the same goals as parents, they just don’t always want to recognize or admit it, especially if walking away from those goals becomes easier than trying hard to accomplish them.

– Michael

The A+ Club from School4Schools.com LLC, based in Arlington, VA, is dedicated to helping students across the U.S.A. meet their goals and find the academic success the want and deserve. Contact us here or call now  to (703) 271-5334 to see how we can help.